Unkown Blogger Pursues a Deranged Quest for Normalcy

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Common Man

Posted by ubpdqn on March 25, 2013

Abraham Lincoln observed,“God must love the common man, he made so many of them”.  This quote resonates with me as I  battle a particularly intense despondency. I have struggled some 13 years now with melancholia. I recognize the black dog. It has various guises. Its attacks can be subtle or intense but it is always malicious and it always places a drain on my internal resources.

There are complex external stressors that have overwhelmed my defenses. The integrity of my barracades have been breached. All these war metaphors reflect my direct perceptions of the situation being a war.   There are casualties, in this analogy. The most obvious and disappointing are my family…and like a successful campaign this only hands the enemy more power. These thoughts are not literal. They are not psychosis. They are merely my external representation of internal torment.

I am coming to realize that the faith and expectations I have had in others, in institutions and in kindness have been misplaced. At least some of this is colored by depression but it is nonetheless rational and defensible and no less painful. I have worked very hard. I have been open and honest (as honest as I can be). I have given as much as I could. I have made many mistakes and tried to be honest and for the important mistakes I have tried to learn from them.  I am blessed by long suffering kind family members and have gotten more than I have given and certainly more than I deserved.   I am, however, facing what seems a complete devaluation of my efforts. I have seen people suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous  fortune and others of questionable character and virtue propelled to power and glory without apparent discernment or scrutiny by peers and superiors.  However, most of all I have seen people who seem a lot like me…basically honest, work hard, loving their family and on average progressing through life and dealing with its challenges as best they can…the common men and women. I am a common man  despite the pretense of some special place or entitlement.

To paraphrase Lincoln: “God loves the common man, that’s why he made so many”…I hope that fellow sufferers going through internal and external torments are supported as people worthy of kindness, respect and dignity…this is a prayer I make for myself also as I currently so very much alone and a burden to my long suffering family. Peace to all…

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