Unkown Blogger Pursues a Deranged Quest for Normalcy

  • Logo

    ubpdqn
  • Unknown Blogger

  • April 2013
    M T W T F S S
    « Mar   May »
    1234567
    891011121314
    15161718192021
    22232425262728
    2930  
  • Recent Posts

  • Pages

  • Categories

  • Archives

  • Meta

  • Blog Stats

    • 10,532 hits

Asymptotic

Posted by ubpdqn on April 3, 2013

It is profoundly sad when that which you feared is true or worse. It is more distressing when the information is delivered from the mouth of someone you have known and respected for years after having reached out in a sincere plea for  help.

It should be cathartic (and maybe it will). It should be liberating. It should be the first step in a new direction…but all that I can feel is pain: deep inconsolable sorrow.  There is no  death of a person, no loss of a loved one, no physical infirmity…just the shattering of identity. The realization that it is not enough to be right, to  work hard, to be honest  would seem palatable if it was not accompanied by the stain and smear of failure of the  behaviours of others…and worse to be ranked or evaluated in some process where winners and losers are chosen by the company they keep, their  charm and their social connections. The truth does not matter. What matters is written and propagated by the winners and that is what will remain.

As this destructive process inexorably progresses to its conclusion,  the asymptote is becoming clearer…I am on not on the side of favoured, the loved, the valued. I am not in the cue of the winners. I am not even worthy to raise my head to see the sun.  Friends are convenient constructions by the privileged for the privileged…they have no  depth or substance and certainly the system is a self-sustaining automaton that uses losers as fodder  to strengthen  and ensure the  winners.

I am a loser par excellence. I have been inserted in the machine, ground to dust ready for use of fertilizer…I am so soory for the  sorrow to my family for having  ever dared to believe in me…I pray they will have peace and love and NEVER have to experience the bitter, hollow and pointless existence I currently dwell in while I asymptotically approach the abyss.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: