Unkown Blogger Pursues a Deranged Quest for Normalcy

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Posted by ubpdqn on May 19, 2014



Clouds never cease to amaze me. The timescales of persistence the diverse variety of forms in such an unstable environment continues to seem remarkable to me.  A recent extremely windy day provided an opportunity to witness the longer term and more evanescent forms…

I have experienced what seems like years of unrelenting external stresses, with the recent political turmoils somewhat like an engagement in a new war I neither wished to participate in nor was equipped to fight…a peace treaty seems to have been reached by the powerful on both sides while we in the trenches are grateful for the quiet from cessation of intense shell fire from both sides.

Yet, in this “peace” the corrosive, painful and oppressive structural stresses are unrelieved…as a broken and weak soul I commit to taking no more. I have appealed for mercy…the oppressive load has been lifted and whatever happens next I know I have spoken the truth, I have acted not for myself, I have shed the fair weather acquaintances and other pseudo-friends and stand with my conscience intact and with the soothing and strong love of my family…the only love that counts…an authentic frequently painful but always transformative.

I have experienced a measure of peace for the first time in years and for however long it lasts I am grateful…forgiveness…hmm well that is another matter. “The Railway Man” and “Philomena” are two movies which both have major themes of forgiveness. In “The Railway Man”, Eric Lomax is ultimately able to forgive his Japanese torturer when he sees his torturer’s humanity and the suffering and sorrow his torturer experienced in the years since the tragic events. In the case of “Philomena”, the Catholic church representatives were recalcitrant and unmoved by Philomena’s plight or her petitions and rendered no apology. Philomena’s forgiveness emerged from her own nature and strength of character and abiding faith. Both Eric Lomax and Philomena Lee felt compelled to publicly express their stories and journey.  I do not have Philomena’s strength or virtue  but the institution is no less paradoxical in having the form of benevolence but having incontrovertibly acted malevolently upon me…yes forgiveness is just a word but peace is very much welcome…and it is not the product of any benevolence from persons and institutions…





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