Unkown Blogger Pursues a Deranged Quest for Normalcy

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Endless Forms

Posted by ubpdqn on May 24, 2016

I have just passed the best few days since the beginning of the year. I was immersed in the mundane but surrounded by those remarkable (few) people who attach some value to me.  These briefest of moments were priceless to me.

There are still extremely dark days ahead but I do not walk alone. I have, for the first time, some inkling of a meaningful future, even with such a deep and extensive wound.

The fog clears but nothing changes the malevolence that has pushed me into the abyss.  There are lessons and I hope I learn them. I will, however, (while my brain is intact) not forget. The wound may never heal and perhaps the vulnerability it presents and the pain  it induces serve or transform into useful to me and others.

I enjoyed watching ants scurry. They walked on loosely defined trails. Local signalling with emergent larger structure. Each ant doing its thing but ultimately achieving a purpose for the whole. A robust system. Loss of one ant has another ant hot on the trail. Small obstacles and perturbations are locally solved.  Hanging clothes became a journey for the imagination.

How long this clarity lasts who knows. I am thankful for those very small but compassionate souls who have been by my side in this difficult time.





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